


screw your courage to the sticking-place

by protectoroffaeries



Series: they think me macbeth [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Period-Typical Homophobia, References to Macbeth, Religion, Sibling Love, The Reynolds Pamphlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 21:51:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9923648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectoroffaeries/pseuds/protectoroffaeries
Summary: "But screw your courage to the sticking-place, And we'll not fail."





	

**Author's Note:**

> comments are cherished <3

Angelica loves Alexander.

She loves him as if the same mother bore them, as if they were reared together. He is her brother-in-law, with an emphasis on the word  _ brother.  _ It is a great bonus, she thinks, that her dear Eliza loves and adores a man that she herself gets along with so amiably. It deepens the bonds of family, she believes.

She misses him and Eliza both when she lives in England, but alas, she does not think she could bear to live in New York without her husband. She loves him, too, although she found him a bit disagreeable at first. She was so quick to judge back then; but that is a flaw of hers that she fights to overcome.

She often recommends to her dear brother to examine his own flaws. To dedicate some time to overcoming them. Unfortunately, one of those flaws is overinflated sense of self, which makes him think that he is like God himself, incapable of any wrongdoings.

Angelica prays that will not be his downfall.

~

Alexander is drunk.

He wants to go outside. Angelica humors him; Eliza has retired to bed already, and she does not wish for her sister to awakened by her rowdy fiancé. Beside, if Father finds something suspect about Alexander's conduct, he could easily call the marriage off. What a disappointment that would be to her dear sister.

Alexander stares at the stars. Angelica has always thought them beautiful herself, but she does not quite see the poetry in them that the romantics do. She did not peg Alexander for a romantic as much as a flirt, but still, he stares, and he looks awe-struck. She would write it off to the drink, but…

“The stars are dead,” he murmurs.

“Pardon?”

“The stars are dead, Angelica,” he repeats, mournful. Angelica thinks she sees tears on his cheeks, shining in the light of live stars. “I killed them.”

She should write it off as the ramblings of a drunken man.

But the words will not leave her mind, not for many years.

~

When Angelica reads the Reynolds Pamphlet, she is furious. 

How could he?  _ How dare he. _

Alexander thinks nothing of those in his life, cares nothing for those who love him, cannot give a  _ damn _ for anything more than his legacy. She wishes, for the first time in her life, that she did not love God so much, for she would strike Alexander down. She would curse him with the tricks the Devil gives the women who serve him. If she were a weaker woman, she would never forgive him.

She crosses the ocean with fury blazing in her mind, her heart, her soul. 

~

Eliza is not angry.

Angelica cannot understand it. Eliza does not weep. Eliza does not despair. Eliza does not care for the gossip of her neighbors. She acts as if Alexander has done nothing.

When Angelica, hurt and heartbroken, demands to know  _ how,  _ Eliza simply says, “There is much you do not understand.”

Angelica loathes that response because it is not an answer, only another question.

~

Alexander says nothing.

He does not defend himself. Just as well, he exhausted that tactic in his excessive confession.

“I hope you're  _ satisfied,”  _ she spits, and she slaps him across the face, an act of violence that bursts from her before she can think much of it. She does not feel guilty at the red mark that stains Alexander's cheek. God will forgive her this.

“I am never satisfied,” he whispers. His eyes are far away. He dishonors her, her sister, and their entire family, and still he has the gall to send his thoughts elsewhere (probably to  _ work)  _ as she tells him what he needs to hear. The  _ audacity _ of him.

She slaps him again.

~

Angelica tells Eliza that she made a mockery of her poor excuse for her husband, that she slapped him in his place of work. She does not know, cannot predict, how Eliza will respond.

Eliza says nothing.

She hands Angelica two letters.

~

The first is from Alexander's mistress. It makes little sense to Angelica, and then it makes too much sense. Her head spins.

She does Eliza a favor and burns it for her.

~

The second is from a man called John Laurens.

_ A dead man.  _ Eliza's words ring in her ears as she reads.

She burns that letter, too.

~

Angelica understands. The truth about understanding is that it is the hardest thing one can do if they do not  _ approve  _ of what they understand.

It is easy to judge. It is hard to understand.

It is easy to view the life as a collection of  _ rights  _ and  _ wrongs.  _ It is hard to see the humanity of it all.

It is easy to be Angelica Church. It is hard to be a Hamilton.

~

  
  
  



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